This afternoon I spent about an hour, chatting with my friend over the phone. She told me about her love story - her boyfriend is a psycho! That actually brought back some awful memories, to the time when I was in my 2nd year. I was in love with this man - he did so many things for me, treated me like a princess, we had some common interests, everything at the beginning was easy and fun. His name is F............UKKER.

I loved this guy for 3 years. For 6 months it was a bliss, but then the problems started, and it got worst and worst. My ex had a history of problems, bad relationship and abuse but he seemed so nice, especially for the first 6 months when it seemed like all the cliche movie "the one true love" stuff came true. Then next, I found my life was a living hell.

He argued with me almost every day, sometimes cursing me out and insulting me for hours and hours. I've been lied to constantly, manipulated constantly, on a level so intense I didn't even notice until I found his diary. To my surprise, he still keep in touch with ALL his ex-es. And this is bukan-cinta-biasa ok? He spent a lot of money and time talking over the phone with all of them, and bersiar-siar menghirup udara segar everytime balik cuti. When I confronted him about cheating, he said I was insecure and paranoid then he started to talk about unrelated things. He made me think that it was MY fault. It was really difficult to confront him. His reaction was all over the map!

I can still remember the times when I spent almost every night crying, sometimes waking up thinking about all the things he did. It hurts. I was like walking on eggshells. There would always be promises to change like "I'm going to change, I love you, you're the one for me, I'm never going to hurt you again" and afterwords when I took him back it got worst and worst. Every time I tried to break it off he would come crying, saying he will injure or kill himself. And I tell you, he even cut his wrist in front of me, once. And being trapped in a sehati-sejiwa-sehidup-semati world, I came back. It happened again and again where I would always come back, and sometimes the next day or even the next hour the abuse would continue.

I wish I could turn back time, because I wish I never met him! He is a type of person who could be so nice, supportive one minute and such a crazy mean person the next. And I mean really crazy gila babi type. I wish he would not be psycho, creating stories up saying things about me that are not true.

I can't believe how good he was at manipulating me, and all how could someone be nice, great, loving, sweet one hour and a complete aggressive creep the next, when nothing happened within that hour? Sometimes I wonder why some people have the capacity to be so sick, so twisted, cruel one minute then so nice next minute then suddenly cursing, yelling and spitting in my face, the face he claimed was the most beautiful face he had ever seen.

I have broken up with him finally, in early 1998. I've been keeping busy, doing everything I wanted, and mostly I'm doing good, but when I remember everything I've been through, I regret to have known him.